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knowing hurts

April 22, 2013

She stared in horror at the couple sitting opposite and felt herself blinking slowly. It was like time had suddenly slowed to a crawl and all she could hear was the woman’s voice say it again, over and over, like a hideous echo boucing around the empty parts of her mind. There was a falling feeling in her belly and she felt tingles, like the creeping arms of an octopus climbing up along her spine over her shoulders and down her arms and she felt like shaking them violently to fling the legs away. Water flooded her mouth and she swallowed harshly. What? It was like she had gone deaf all of a sudden… She stared at the photos in her hands again… what did they mean no one recognised her? How could they say it was like someone else was standing there…. They entire familiy thought this? Every friend they had shown them too had said the same thing, that the person in the photos was not her? The implication that she must look horrendous in everyday life was a bitter pill and she stared at the images again, so for this one unrealistic moment in time, the moment these photos had been taken apparently she had become someone else. From one or two people the comments might have been nice in a weird sort of way. But to come from them all? Waves crashed together in her stomach and she wanted to clench her hands over it to keep it in one piece while it shattered around her. They ALL thought it? What did they think of her usually? And then they spoke again…. A different topic, a secret she had been holding close because she was enjoying the happiness it made her feel…. And again they said that everyone knew… and the sickness roared through her louder and louder. So she was normal now was she? No longer odd and different and weird…. That they thoguht that before she already knew but to have it confirmed? She could feel parts of her shut down to keep the awful knowledge at bay, if she didn’t acknowledge it, it couldn’t be real right? She felt a spike behind her eye and knew what that meant, the signal of what was to come and in a way she welcomed it. She would avoid them all now, would not speak to them or see them or recognise their existance. She had to hide away now, to try to contain the little bits of herself that threatened to run and hide and escape. In that moment she hated them all. And in that moment she didn’t care that she did.

  1. Hmmm…you left me wanting more 🙂

  2. This is very powerful and intriguing, takes you right to the centre of her hurt and confusion and despair…well done my friend!! 🙂

    • Hi, thanks, yeah I was a bit hormonal and headachy when I wrote that… Not a happy chappy!

      • Well it’s good that something great creatively can come out of something so uncomfortable physically! 🙂

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