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Missed Destiny (Friday Fictioneers)

October 20, 2016

claire-fuller-8

The more I stared the more my mouth dropped open.

That was…

I spun on a heel and dashed out of the store. Money. I needed money now.

I found a hole in the wall, withdrew everything and ran back, bumping into the man in the doorway. He glared at my mumbled apology and hurried away.

I ran to the counter, “The pendant?”

“Sorry, Love. You just missed it. Funny. Sits on a shelf for years and in—“

I stopped listening. I had to go after him. I took another look at the shelf. “How much for the bat?”

 

 

This is a Friday Fictioneers prompt

word count:100

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33 Comments
  1. I didn’t understand why she was carrying a bat, and why she threatened the shopkeeper with it rather than chasing the customer down the street

    • Oh maybe its not clear enough. She picked up the bat in the shop and is going after the guy who bought the pendant. I’ll have to have a look at it again. Thanks for your comments

    • Hi Neil, I made a few changes. Hope its a bit clearer now. 🙂

  2. I havent read the earlier version but this is perfectly clear 🙂

  3. Loved the turn around, the twist of the bat, what some people do for a pendant… Well done Laurie. 😇

  4. I wonder if this is a flying bat or a cricket bat type thing. I quite like the idea of it being the former…

  5. Nice take, the last line made me chuckle. Definitely wants that pendant 🙂

  6. Keen customer. 🙂

  7. Super story. “How much,” indeed

  8. My mind went in so many directions. I love this!

  9. Dear Laurie,

    She is determined. I did get the bat, although you might have edged the word baseball or cricket in there to clarify. At any rate the context, I think, defines the type of bat. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  10. This made me smile. It made perfect sense, but I have only read the edited version!

  11. That one I got immediately.. she must be desperate for that lock.

  12. I only read it now, after the edit, it is very clear. Great tension writing, that pendant must be very valuable.

  13. Ha Ha now I get it. Believe it or not until you explained it i wasn’t so sure

  14. I was thinking the flying bat too for some reason, but I see the other bat now. I hope she can track down that pendant.

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