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What lies beneath (Friday Fictioneers)

February 8, 2018



The splash slap of water against the hull smothered all other sound. Warmth surrounded it. In spots, the water was colder, a chill against leathery skin. A plop and then another. Two eyes appear, blinking in the setting light of the sun casting long shadows in streaky undulating lines across the river’s surface. The eyes watch the boat bobbing gently in its dock. Wood with peeling paint, beneath the surface it was covered in slim and barnacles. Music flowed over the deck. A clink clink of glass, the pop of another bottle.

The eyes sink slowly beneath the surface.



This is a Friday Fictioneers prompt

word count: 100



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  1. Beautifully evoked menace in the calm

    • Thank you Neil… i think its the things you cant see… I mean maybe it just wanted a cup of sugar? 😉

  2. Terrifying tension. Such a nice evening about to be ruined… 🙂

  3. Dale permalink

    Love the descriptions, I could visualise/hear it in my head. Well done, Laurie.

  4. Dear Laurie,

    Impending menace is tangible in this beautifully described scene. Well done.



  5. Yes, very soon. Good one, Laurie.

  6. Ooh, that was deliciously spooky and vividly described – I loved it.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

  7. The leisurely pace of your prose gives an added menace to the alligator. It’s smooth, like the oily surface of the peaceful water. The contrast between what we anticipate, and what we currently experience gives this story its bite.
    Clever writing, Laurie!

    • Thank you Penny! Yes I think the fact that we know but that the party people don’t increases the creepy.

  8. Oh, those eyes, I see them!

  9. michael1148humphris permalink

    Lovely, I liked the style of this.

  10. Moon permalink

    Vivid, wonderful descriptions. I could hear my own heart rate increase as I read on.
    So well written!

  11. You managed to build the tension bit by bit. Great stuff Laurie

    Click to read my 100 Word Story!

  12. Great descriptions! I heard the water slapping the boat, saw the slime and peeling paint, And, no, I won’t go in the water.

  13. Sarah Ann permalink

    I’m not sure what those eye belong to, but know they have sinister intent. Great build of tension.

  14. Oooooh, danger underneath! Extremely well done 🙂

  15. I got the chills reading this – superbly done

  16. Your endeavor for the creepy was extremely successful.

  17. I think we saw the same thing…. the black lagoon is not a good place to dock

  18. Very well done. I love how you set the stage and then – mwahaha. Great use of words to craft the story.

  19. Well done! Ominous eyes.

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